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Sep. 25th, 2017 01:29 am
drazzi: Miles Edgeworth - Phoenix Wright (Default)
[personal profile] drazzi
So at my therapy session at the CFS/ME clinic recently, I was told something that literally blew my mind, so I figured it would be worth sharing.

Apparently a common thing with people with CFS/ME who are perfectionists is that we find it hard to deal with guilt - but obviously I think this applies to a lot of people - mental health, physical health and so on. If not just frigging everyone in the world.

My counsellor explained some very important points about guilt; beginning with asking me to list good and bad emotions. So, obviously I listed anger as bad, happiness as good and so on. 

Then broke them down into circumstance so that I could see that all emotions were valid in the right context. Really simply it was good to feel anger if someone had purposely hurt you; or it would be bad to feel happiness if something tragic had happened. As such we learned that there are no good and bad emotions, only emotions

So from here, she went on to talk about the purpose of guilt - which I had as a bad emotion, obviously. She had three core points about guilt.

1) The purpose of guilt is to help us understand when we have done something wrong.
2) The purpose is then to prompt us to put it right.
3) Guilt is not meant to be a long term experience. Once it has served its purpose there is no reason for it.

She then walked me through a flow-chart she had made, and at every point in every example it ended with guilt no longer being a valid option.



She gave me an example of something she had been guilty for in her youth: In school they had been playing around and were hiding in the girl’s toilets, keeping the boys out. She was one of the girls holding the door closed, not knowing another girl was on the other side with the boys.

She told me she had still years later felt badly for it, but going through the chart helped. She had done something wrong, even without meaning to, but could she put it right? No. She no longer knew that girl, it was years ago, she couldn’t track her down to apologise. So there was no more purpose for her guilt. 

It was literally mind blowing for me to realise I didn’t have to feel as much guilt as I did, and didn’t have to feel guilt for things that happened years ago.

It’s clearly not a SIMPLE thing to get, but I think its going to be helpful.

Death and Ceremonies.

Sep. 24th, 2017 01:49 pm
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[personal profile] captainsblog

For the Bangles, Sunday was their Fun Day. Their I don't have to run day.  Not mine. Sunday is my Park Day, my listen to the bark day, the find the poopy mark day:



(That's not a breakfast sammich in my right hand:P)

Instead, Saturday is the one day usually without an alarm or an agenda. Except yesterday. The longtime companion of a recent coworker had died, and yesterday morning was that set for his funeral at a small but beautiful Catholic church on Buffalo's west side.

I maybe met Randy once, and didn't work with Jan all that long either, but she's the kind of person you have to come out in support of.  I found the neighborhood- now more Muslim than Catholic- and a parking space on an adjacent street.  Two sights caught me before even setting eyes on the church itself: a cat crossing the street who was more the size of a puma; and a little girl from the neighborhood, dodging oncoming mourners while heading down the sidewalk on a pogo stick.  It's been years since I'd seen one of those in play, and it added a needed touch of levity to what would surely be a sad event.

Randy had overcome more than his share of sadness in life. His parents both died when he was still a teenager. After joining the Navy soon after high school, his first job took him to Rochester, and an almost 30-year career with the Big Yellow Box. Jan had been his high school sweetheart, but they each married and went their own ways.  In time, both of their spouses predeceased them, and Randy was also faced with the premature death of one of his own two sons and with having to care for the younger mentally challenged son, as well. Jan was immense help to him and his son. I chanced to meet him just past the pogo stick- he seemed sad, but supported by a lot of extended family.

The service itself was brief but beautiful. An old-school Catholic parish in a barely Catholic neighborhood presents challenges- often responded to by the Diocese shutting the doors- but this one seemed determined to do God's work for whoever is in need. The priest was African, the pianist/soloist Korean, the altar boys probably Filipino- and the signups in the back weren't for chicken barbecues or pro-life rallies but for helping the immigrants of the community.  Randy's brothers spoke briefly near the end of the memorial, and then the naval honor guard came forward.  There was no casket present, so the sailors unfurled the flag fully before re-folding it and handing it to Jan and to Randy's surviving son.  THAT's the kind of display of a flag that nobody can take issue with.

Randy donated his body to UB's anatomical study program, and in time he will be interred in Rochester's Riverside Cemetery to join his wife and son. My father-in-law also rests there. 

----

I came home to the sounds and fury of a deranged leader who had decided, the night before, to make an incredibly big deal out of the almost-forgotten protests taking place during the playing of the National Anthem at NFL games.  The Cheeto has since doubled and even tripled down on his vitriol, cursing those who protest and demanding their sacking (and not the kind by defensive ends).

You keep using those words, "Respect for the flag." I do not think they mean what you think they mean.  To me, they mean the freedom to express dissent, as long as it is peaceful.  I'm more than halfway through the first week of the Ken Burns Vietnam series, and also just finished a piece about Cheeto's fellow despot-in-crime, North Korea's Kim Jong Un.  Both of those presented tales of citizens, both North and South,  being forced to support the aims and symbols of their repressive governments, being threatened with arrest or worse if they didn't comply.  We are better than that.  Our flag flies for even those who don't completely agree with everything it has ever stood for.  And to ostracize and name-call those who exercise that right? Not right.

The owners of the Bills made this statement in response to the oppobrium from Alabama:   

Several of us met tonight -- players, coaches, staff, and ownership. Our goal was to provide open dialogue and communication. We listened to one another. We believe it's the best way to work through any issue we are facing -- on and off the field.

President Trump’s remarks were divisive and disrespectful to the entire NFL community, but we tried to use them as an opportunity to further unify our team and our organization.

Our players have the freedom to express themselves in a respectful and thoughtful manner and we all agreed that our sole message is to provide and to promote an environment that is focused on love and equality.

The comments in response to that are running about 90 percent "love it or leave it," but those are not indicative of the world at large. Or of the team- which locked arms for today's anthem, some kneeling, some not. Saying, "we disagree on some things, but we are together where it matters."  I will not say a word about how that will translate to the game's outcome until it's over, but for now it's a very good sign- and I think even Randy would have been proud of them.

Sunday Sweets: Stained Glass

Sep. 24th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

"Color is to the eye what music is to the ear."

- Louis Comfort Tiffany

What does "stained glass" make you think of? Church windows? Fancy light fixtures?

How about gorgeous cakes?

(By Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes)

Ooh la la! So soft and pretty; I love the watercolor feel to those colors.

 

(By Paige Fong)

This cake practically glows, it's so vivid. And I like how the flowers are mirrored in the artwork.

 

(By Maggie Austin Cake)

I can't imagine the time it took to pipe and paint even one of these layers, much less four.

 

(By Corrie Cakes)

These cookies look like sun catchers! Doesn't the blue background look like a cloudy sky showing through?

 

(By Melissa Alt Cakes)

One of my personal favorites today! There's a great little Tiffany museum here in Florida, and this one reminds me the most of some of his windows there. Something about all those glowing greens and rich orangey-browns... Just lovely.

 

(also by Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes)

Both are amazing, but that blue! WOW.

 

(By Bittersweet Pastry)

Perhaps more of a mosaic than stained glass, but I'm blown away by the 3D flowers! Such a great design.

 

And another tile mosaic:

(By Passionate Cakes)

So much detail! Can you imagine how long it would take to place all those tiny pieces?!

 

These flowers look like they're bursting out of the glass design:

(Also by Maggie Austin Cake)

So. Cool.

 

And finally:

(By Vinism Sugar Art)

I take it back; I think this is my favorite. The balance of dark and light, the perfectly blended colors, that butterfly...! It belongs in the Tiffany Museum! Or my belly. One of the two, anyway. ;)

 

Hope you guys enjoyed! Happy Sunday!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Comic for September 24, 2017

Sep. 24th, 2017 11:59 pm
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Sunday Secrets

Sep. 23rd, 2017 10:46 pm
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Posted by Frank

        

Dear Frank-
Years ago I started writing notes and putting them in random places like behind paintings in hotels, between the pages at book stores and in Sky Mall Magazines on airplanes. While browsing through a PostSecret book, I found one of my notes. That small ripped piece of paper is featured above. I attended your event last week at CMU. I’m thankful for your ability to speak to people in their broken places.
-JM

Des chansons québecois encore

Sep. 23rd, 2017 01:41 pm
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[personal profile] tealin
I've been alternating between Radio-Canada and seeing what YouTube autoplays when I look up songs I hear on there. Here are a few of my favourites ... and I think I have found a new beloved band in Les Cowboys Fringants. They have an album called L'Expédition, for crying out loud.

Videos behind the cut for tidiness... )

How much this helps me learn the language is anyone's guess. My comprehension even of sung English is pretty pathetic; I've been listening to non-English songs as long as I can remember, enjoying them for their musicality without the pressure of processing the words, so they're in one ear and out the other. And while learning to sing songs in another language might be a good practice generally, whoever suggests that has little experience with how many syllables a French Canadian can cram into one line holy cow.

(On the other hand, it might give a genetic excuse for my speech being excessively fast and inarticulate? Can't help it, I've got 400 years of Joual to overcome ...)

Comic for September 23, 2017

Sep. 23rd, 2017 11:59 pm
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

image of a pub Photoshopped to be named 'The Beloved Community Pub'
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

Belly up to the bar,
and be in this space together.

I'm going to be otherwise occupied for most of the day Monday, so I will be taking the day off and return on Tuesday. See you then!

Quote of the Day

Sep. 22nd, 2017 03:30 pm
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

"Graham-Cassidy, the health bill the Senate may vote on next week, is stunningly cruel. It's also incompetently drafted: The bill's sponsors clearly had no idea what they were doing when they put it together. Furthermore, their efforts to sell the bill involve obvious, blatant lies. ...Graham-Cassidy isn't an aberration; it's more like the distilled essence of everything wrong with modern Republicans."—Paul Krugman, in "Cruelty, Incompetence, and Lies" for the New York Times.

MAKE YOUR CALLS. RESIST.

Shaker Gourmet

Sep. 22nd, 2017 02:30 pm
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

Whatcha been cooking up in your kitchen lately, Shakers?

Share your favorite recipes, solicit good recipes, share recipes you've recently tried, want to try, are trying to perfect, whatever! Whether they're your own creation, or something you found elsewhere, share away.

Also welcome: Recipes you've seen recently that you'd love to try, but haven't yet!

Daily Dose of Cute

Sep. 22nd, 2017 01:30 pm
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

image of Zelda the Black and Tan Mutt and Dudley the Greyhound lying on the floor in Iain's office
The doggies chilling in Iain's office.

As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.

The Future Liberals Want

Sep. 22nd, 2017 07:41 pm
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[personal profile] tealin
When I lived in LA, was making money, and tried to make myself happy by being generous with it, I was a member of the local NPR station. As such I had a card and was on their mailing list, and even though I never went to any member events or even really listened all that much, I was still nominally included.

When I moved away I cancelled my membership, and all that stopped.

Well, just in the past week, I've somehow ended up back on the mailing list, because I've got two emails from them about things going on around town and a backstage tour of the station.

Now, there may be a simple explanation. Chances are they have just resurrected a bunch of dead email addresses to remind ex-members how much they liked being in the in-group, to encourage them to re-pledge ...

Or someone has gifted me a membership for some obscure reason and not told me ...

... Or, an identity thief has used my credit card to pledge to a public radio station, and the email address associated with that card automatically went on the mailing list, in which case I am the victim of some very peculiar fraud. I'm not even sure I'd want them prosecuted, if that's the sort of thing they're going to do.

This world, man, I dunno, it's getting less real by the day.

We Resist: Day 246

Sep. 22nd, 2017 12:15 pm
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

a black bar with the word RESIST in white text

One of the difficulties in resisting the Trump administration, the Republican Congressional majority, and Republican state legislatures is keeping on top of the sheer number of horrors, indignities, and normalization of the aggressively abnormal that they unleash every single day.

So here is a daily thread for all of us to share all the things that are going on, thus crowdsourcing a daily compendium of the onslaught of conservative erosion of our rights and our very democracy.

Stay engaged. Stay vigilant. Resist.

* * *

Here are some things in the news today:

Earlier today by me: Bernie Sanders, What Are You Even Doing? and Two Terrible Men Escalate Their War of Terrible Words.

Josh Dawsey and Burgess Everett at Politico: Trump Publicly Backs Health Care Effort, Privately Harbors Doubts. In other words, he's just like the rest of the lying liars in his party with zero integrity and the singular principle that winning is everything. "Several White House officials described the president as determined to sign something — anything, really." Cool.

Jessica Glenza and Molly Redden at the Guardian: Republicans' New Health Bill Would Hit Women Hardest, Experts Say. "[E]xperts said funding cuts and weaker insurance regulations would leave more female patients worse off, hitting access to reproductive health hardest. 'The Graham-Cassidy bill is an assault on healthcare, period. But I really think women, particularly poor women, are bearing the brunt of this,' said Jessica Schubel, a senior policy analyst at the progressive Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. ...One of the most concerning provisions in the Graham-Cassidy bill, advocates said, was a push to defund the reproductive health provider Planned Parenthood." Fuckers.

Apparently, this tweet is evergreen. Unfortunately.


Eugene Robinson at the Washington Post: This Republican Health-Care Bill Is the Most Monstrous Yet. "There is a rational motive for all of this, although it's a nefarious one that the GOP doesn't like to talk about: Slashing Medicaid spending would make room for huge tax cuts that primarily benefit the rich. Yes, senators, we see that, too. It is tempting to let the Republican Party drive itself, Thelma-and-Louise style, off this cliff. But the human impact of the latest repeal-and-replace measure would be too tragic. Call your senator. Make a deafening noise. We must do everything we can to kill this bill." YES.

MAKE YOUR CALLS.


* * *


Y'all. I detest him so profoundly.

[Content Note: Islamophobia; video may autoplay at link] Toluse Olorunnipa and Greg Stohr at Bloomberg: Trump's Travel Ban Decision Could Set Off New Wave of Turmoil. "Donald Trump is on the verge of a fresh clash with business leaders and civil-rights advocates as he faces a critical deadline this weekend for continuing his travel ban on six predominantly Muslim countries. The president hinted he might broaden the initial ban, which is set to expire on Sunday, in his response to a terrorist attack in London last week. Even mere renewal of the prohibition on entry into the U.S. by most citizens of those nations would reopen controversy over an action that provoked sharp criticism from prominent corporate leaders, multiple court challenges, and internal strife within the White House. Trump may announce his decision on the next step as as soon as Friday." Deplorable.

[CN: Nativism; carcerality; exploitation; video may autoplay at link] Aimee Picchi at CBS News: Working for Peanuts: Detained Immigrants Paid $1 a Day.
If there's one aspect in a new battle over the treatment of immigrant detainees that both sides agree on, it's this: They're paid just $1 a day.

But whether that meager pay is legal is now a contested issue, with the Washington state attorney general's office suing private prison operator GEO Group (GEO) over the detainees' work pay. The lawsuit alleges the $1 a day payment violates the state's minimum wage laws; it also claims the detainees sometimes don't even earn cash, but rather are paid in chips and candy.

The legal dispute, which appears to be the first of its kind, poses a host of questions about the treatment of detainees in the U.S. at a time when arrests of suspected undocumented immigrants is on the rise. Many of them are housed in facilities operated by private prison companies such as GEO as they await their immigration court hearings. The detention centers aren't jails or prisons, nor have the detainees been convicted.

"They are breaking Washington state law and exploiting detainees for their profits," Bob Ferguson, the Washington attorney general, told CBS MoneyWatch. "It's not OK."

...Yet detainees haven't been convicted of breaking the law, and they aren't facing criminal charges, Ferguson pointed out. Some are asylum-seekers, while others may be found to be legally residing within the U.S. and released.
Meanwhile...


I hate the way this administration treats people. I hate it so much. It feels like getting a million paper cuts every single day.

* * *


Damian Paletta and Mike DeBonis at the Washington Post: White House Plan for Tax Cuts Moves Forward. "The White House plan for a massive package of tax cuts is gaining new momentum as Republicans attempt to set aside months of intraparty squabbling and unify behind a key part of [Donald] Trump's agenda. Two developments are accelerating the effort: Key Senate Republicans reached a tentative deal this week to allow for as much as $1.5 trillion in tax reductions over 10 years; and there is a growing willingness within the GOP to embrace controversial, optimistic estimates of how much economic growth their tax plan would create." Fucking hell.

Nancy Cook at Politico: Trump Aides Begin Looking for the Exits. "Many who joined the administration in January did so with the explicit idea that they'd stay for at least a year, enough to credibly say they'd served. But in the aftermath of a wave of abrupt, high-profile departures over the summer that culminated with former strategist Steve Bannon's ouster in August, aides up and down the chain are reaching out to headhunters, lobbyists, and GOP operatives for help finding their next job. ...'There will be an exodus from this administration in January,' said one Republican lobbyist, who alone has heard from five officials looking for new gigs. 'Everyone says, 'I just need to stay for one year.' If you leave before a year, it looks like you are acknowledging that you made a mistake.'" OH YOU MADE A FUCKING MISTAKE. YOU WORKED FOR DONALD TRUMP. ONE DAY WOULD HAVE BEEN A HUGE MISTAKE. FUCK YOU AND WHOEVER HIRES YOU NEXT.

Teresa Walsh at McClatchy: Push to Unseal the Draft Whitewater Indictment Against Hillary Clinton Gets Court Date. "A federal appeals court will hear a case brought by Judicial Watch on Friday to make public draft indictments of Hillary Clinton from the Whitewater scandal in the 1990s." PERFECT. *jumps into Christmas tree*

What have you been reading that we need to resist today?

Hello

Sep. 22nd, 2017 11:00 am
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Posted by Melissa McEwan

There is a lot going on in the world right now. A lot of people are hurting. And the governing party of the United States is busily trying to hurt even more people.

It is overwhelming. It is enough to make a person feel scared, unmoored, lost.

Sometimes all of the feelings one has — while helplessly watching suffering from afar, or up close, and/or suffering oneself at the whims of nature or the cruelty of powerful villains thinly veiling their malice behind a veneer of civility — swirl together in a morass of emotion that congeal into an urgent need to be known by your community, the place where you feel safe.

I see you. And you are not alone.

[syndicated profile] shakesville_feed

Posted by Melissa McEwan

[Content Note: Disablism.]

Choe Sang-Hun at the New York Times: Kim's Rejoinder to Trump's Rocket Man: 'Mentally Deranged U.S. Dotard'.
Responding directly for the first time to [Donald] Trump's threat at the United Nations to destroy nuclear-armed North Korea, its leader called Mr. Trump a "mentally deranged U.S. dotard" on Friday and vowed the "highest level of hard-line countermeasure in history."

The rejoinder by the leader, Kim Jong-un, who is about half as old as Mr. Trump, 71, added to the lexicon of Mr. Kim's choice of insults in the escalating bombast between the two.

"A frightened dog barks louder," Mr. Kim said in a statement, referring to Mr. Trump's speech at the United Nations General Assembly on Tuesday in which he vowed to annihilate North Korea if the United States were forced to defend itself or its allies against it.

"He is surely a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire, rather than a politician," Mr. Kim said.
It's really neat (it is terrible) how these two dudes lob really specific insults at each other without a trace of fucking self-awareness. Or any detectable sense of irony.

Meanwhile...

David Nakamura and Anne Gearan at the Washington Post: Amid New Sanctions, Trump Calls North Korea's Leader 'Madman' Whose Regime Will Face New Tests.
Trump lashed back Friday at North Korea's leader, calling Kim Jong Un a "madman" whose regime will be "tested like never before" amid new U. S-imposed financial sanctions.

...Kim on Thursday reacted angrily to Trump's remarks and actions this week, calling the president a "mentally deranged U.S. dotard" and Trump's earlier speech at the U.N. "unprecedented rude nonsense." Kim said that he was now thinking hard about how to respond.

..."I am now thinking hard about what response he could have expected when he allowed such eccentric words to trip off his tongue. Whatever Trump might have expected, he will face results beyond his expectation," Kim said, saying that he would "tame" Trump "with fire."

On Friday, Trump added the latest barb with a tweet calling Kim a "madman" who brings famine and death on North Koreans.

"Kim Jong Un of North Korea, who is obviously a madman who doesn't mind starving or killing his people, will be tested like never before!" Trump wrote.
So everything is fine, as usual. (Everything is not fine.)

If only someone had mentioned before Election Day that Trump is an erratic, reckless, provocative bully with a poisonous temperament who is catastrophically unfit to be president. OH WELL.
[syndicated profile] shakesville_feed

Posted by Melissa McEwan

Daniella Diaz at CNN: CNN to Host Town Hall Debate Monday with Graham, Cassidy, Sanders, and Klobuchar.
CNN will host a town hall with Republican Sens. Lindsey Graham and Bill Cassidy, who will be debating health care with Sens. Bernie Sanders and Amy Klobuchar on Monday, September 25 at 9 p.m. ET.

CNN anchor Jake Tapper and chief political correspondent Dana Bash will moderate the 90-minute live event from Washington.

Graham and Cassidy are the namesake sponsors of a last-ditch effort to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act ahead of an end-of-the-month deadline, while Sanders introduced a new "Medicare for all" health care bill with a third of the Senate Democratic caucus by his side.
This is such a bad idea. It's a bad idea for a lot of reasons — not least of which is that Bernie Sanders is not actually a good debater (see: the 2016 primary) — but mostly because it's playing directly into the hands of Republicans who have been trying to frame the issue as "Republican garbage legislation vs. single-payer," pretending that improving on the Affordable Care Act isn't even an option, and now Sanders, with his shitty timing in introducing his bill and agreeing to do this fucking debate, has handed them precisely the optics they need to make that frame work.

It's a false frame, but it's one that Republicans want and need to make their heinous legislation appealing to people who are reflexively afraid of "socialist" healthcare.


Further, this debate shouldn't be happening on television; it should be happening in Congress.

Which I am hardly the first or only person to observe.


CNN will give Graham and Cassidy the freedom to lie their asses off without any pushback from the moderators, which will give the illusion of parity between their "facts" and Sanders' and Klobuchar's arguments. Just two sides to every issue!

Having the debate on TV means that it's incumbent on just two Senators to make sure the public understands that Graham and Cassidy are lying and that their bill is dangerous rubbish. If the debate were held in Congress, the pushback wouldn't have to come from just two Senators; every Democratic Senator would have a chance to make the case. The chances of failure would be significantly lower.

We don't need to be lowering our chances to defeat this horrible bill, for fuck's sake.


So do I.

Although, to be perfectly blunt, having agreed to this debate is already a pretty big fuck-up. Of course, that's only from my perspective, with an objective of protecting and expanding healthcare access for as many people as possible. That's not necessarily Sanders' objective.


And, just as a reminder: Sanders' plan still doesn't deal with the Hyde problem, so this debate is quite literally about two healthcare coverage options neither of which guarantee comprehensive care for more than half the population. Cool.
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