Conversation with my kids

Tadpole: MUM! Guess what I did at recess today?
Me: dunno, tell me?
Tadpole: Me and A. and V., we ATTACKED PRINCE!
Me: ...

Tadpole is tiny and in grade 3. So are V. and A.

Prince is in grade 6 and suffers from congenital bad mood. This is easily explained by the fact that 1) his name truly is Prince, which all his classmates find hilarious, 2) he and his younger brother are in the same split grade 5/6 class, and 3) his younger brother is called JERMAINE. No, I am not making it up.

Froglet: ... Did you really? How did it go?
Tadpole: It was AWESOME! I caught up with him and made him fall in the slush!
Froglet: YAY TADPOLE! Payback, by my little sister. SWEET! *high-fives with Tadpole*
Me *giggles*
Froglet: He is SO MEAN, mum! Do you know what he said to me at the end of recess?
Me: no?
Froglet: he said, "your balls are mine!"
Me: ... WHAT.
Froglet: he said ...
Me: I got that part, it's just...
Froglet: Mum. My SNOWBALLS.
Me: oh. Okay, Because balls also means something else...
Froglet *audibly facepalms* MUM! I KNOW!
Me: ... and you don't have any of those.
Froglet *winces*

Oh God, I have become That Mum, the mum who embarrasses her children. If my calculations are right, it should be over in approximately ten years.

This is going to be a long decade.