Early morning animal silliness

[la_rainette]

Now, I know that I am not an early-morning person. In fact, I am not a morning person, at all, in any way. Husband isn't, either, so most mornings we get up as late as possible without compromising our entire agenda for the day, and then we go about our business in grumpy silence. Should we happen to accidentally meet (which doesn't happen often cos hey, BIG HOUSE!), we pass each other like huge ships in the fog, honking once forlornly at each other and then gone with the undertow. My grasp of reality, which is tenuous at best because I tend to follow my train of thoughts rather that coping with the boring outside world, is the least strong in the morning.

So here I am, driving my Froglet to the Toronto Zoo, when all of a sudden I see a car with the following inscription: Cage free country boarding and day camp, shuttle service.

Now, this is how a rainette thought-train works in the morning.
rainette *reads*
brain *engages first gear* oooh, look: DAY CAMPS WITH SHUTTLE SERVICE. We wouldn't even have to drive the children over!
brain *fires a few more synapses* Cage free?
brain *engages second gear* What do you mean, cage free? Who puts their kids in cages?
rainette: Froglet, do they put you in CAGES at the zoo?
Froglet: ?
brain *engages third gear*
rainette *mutters* How come no-one alerts the Children's Aid Society?
brain *engages fourth gear*
rainette *reads* www.uberdog.ca is their website?
brain *LIGHTS UP*
rainette: Never mind.

And now I have that mental picture of one dachshund and two golden retrievers frolicking about in Day-Glow Canary T-shirts with "UBERDOG DAY CAMP: We Bark Because We Care" written on them.

The only thing I have for my defense is that I didn't know that there were day camps for dog, but come to think of it I didn't know that there were life-jackets for dogs, either. And then we went camping. And we saw dogs with life-jackets.

And not only do they make life-jackets for dogs, but they make them WITH HANDLES, so that you can grab your dog and carry it about if it doesn't want to obey you. How cool is that?

Oh, and Rae? Yes, helping mum carry groceries back to the car is an honour for the girls, but it isn't, alas, a very big help, all things considered. It usually means that Tadpole will carry half a bagel in one hand and maybe (maybe) a very small bag containing the other half of the same bagel in the other. And then halfway up the stairs chances are she'll lose heart and ask me to help her carry her bagel. And if I give her anything heavier to carry, she'll lose heart and ask to be carried WITH her load. Ahahahahaha smart girl.

Froglet carries more, of course, cos she's bigger. And I still remember the very first time she helped me: she must have been about three, and she asked if she could carry a bag for me up to the house. We had just come back from grocery shopping, and I was anxious to get the groceries inside the house fast cos it was rather cold outside, so I just grabbed a bag that looked light and easy to carry and handed it over to Froglet.

Froglet *drags bag behind her*
Bag *hits every step on Froglet's way up*
rainette: oh, Froglet, lift the bag, please!
Froglet *lifts bag*
Bag *swings wildly and hits door with a thud*
rainette: never mind. *sighs*

Once inside the house, Froglet proudly handed me her bag.

Good God in Heaven.

I had given her the eggs.

*FACEPALM*

Now, I have to say, Ontarian hens are real pros, and must have IRON BUTTS to lay eggs that solid, cos only one egg had actually been broken in the battle, only one. (yes, I know it has nothing to do with the eggs and everything to do with the quality of the carton, but you know, iron-bottomed hens laying platinum-shelled eggs are just a lot funnier to imagine than bespectacled engineers cooing over the next generation of Egg-Safe Cartons.)

Still: nowadays I am the one who carries the eggs. Just in case. ;)