la_rainette | Dear everyone

Dear Cat,

You, my dear, are an awesome predator. Your slick fur, your powerful claws, your white teeth are designed to impress the infortunate prey that crosses your path. So stop pooping in the bathtub and go kick some ant butt.

And no. I am not your mom.

La rainette.

Dear Tadpole,

You are a lovely little helper. I am so very proud of you when you clear the table. But the plates and forks do not go in the garbage. They can be washed and re-used, and not it is not "EW".

And while I'm at it, IS THAT WHAT YOU DID TO THE SOCKS?

Love, Mom.

Dear Froglet,

Yes, I will still love you if you decide you don't want to go to baseball practice anymore. It breaks my heart that you could even imagine that I could love you less. And you, will you still love me if I make you go to baseball pratcie a while longer? Now that I can cheer you on properly, because I finally know what's going on a baseball field?

And no, you can't marry him. I don't care if he cuts your hair beautifully or calls you princess, he's still too old for you.

Love, Mom.

Husband dearest,

You know I love you. But please, please don't ask me to do the gardening. The earth is full of ghastly, hideous, gross creepy-crawlies poised to attack and bite me if I touch them. I DO NOT CARE THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY TEETH. They're going to bite me nevertheless. They're devious little buggers and they thoroughly creep me out. As much as the ants creep the cat out. Yes, we do have ants in the basement again.

Love, your devoted Wife.

Dear LJ,

Second try. Eat that post again, and I'll kick you in the bollocks you do not have. BEWARE.