Camping, 1st episode: The Worst Of Camping
Aug. 3rd, 2004 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_rainetteI'll be starting with the end, is what it means. But the thought of writing this is the one thing that kept me sane during the whole hellish process, I swear.
What is the Worst of Camping, you ask?
Packing in the rain.
You've got to be Gene Kelly to sing and dance in the rain. You've got to have someone with a warm, dry towel waiting on the side.
And you've got to be la rainette to be left wearing your last pair of passable pants on the last day of camping, which just happened to be eggshell off-white linen pants *winces*. How nuts is that?
CAST:
Main Character: the Rain. Wet, nasty, evil.
Secondary characters:
la rainette, in eggshell pants and yellow plastic raincoat.
Husband, in jeans and likewise yellow raincoat.
Froglet, 5, in a pretty dress.
Tadpole, 3, in an equally pretty dress.
SCENE 1: in the tent. La rainette, busy packing. The girls, standing by. Soundtrack: Husband in the distance, rummaging around and organizing stuff in the car; but mostly, Raindrops falling on our heads.
La rainette *empties Froglet's pocket before packing pants*: EW! What's that? Froglet, what did you have in your pocket?
Froglet: my collection of shiny stones.
la rainette *checks hand* Nope, there was something else.
Froglet: Oh, yeah, my snail, too.
la rainette *wipes crushed snail bits off fingers*: ew.
SCENE 2: outside. To the sound of torrential rain, Husband and la rainette are trying to fold the tent.
Husband, dangerously perched on a wobbly picnic table, unties the tarp.
Husband: READY?
la rainette *from the ground, holding on to another end of the tarp*: yep!
Husband: GO! *shakes tarp*
Water on tarp: oooo! Look! Face!
la rainette *gasps as gets hit in the face by a bucketful of water*
Husband: WOOPS! SORRY!
la rainette *mutters a few PG13 words*
la rainette *looks at mud splattered fingers*
*runs inside screen tent and washes them under clear water*
Sitting smack in the middle of the screen tent, on the picnic table, in the last available dry spot, we can distinguish the silhouettes of Tadpole and Froglet, huddled together and chanting softly: "Rain, Rain, go away! Come again some other day! Rain, Rain, go away, come again some other day!"
Needless to say, the rain pays them no heed.
Husband *holds down one end of tarp*: OK, GO!
la rainette: ok. *lifts her end of tarp*
Water on tarp: oooo, look, feet!
Husband: AAAAAARRRRGH! *looks at sodden feet and utters a few PG15 curses*
la rainette, cheerfully, for vengence is sweet: woops, sorry!
Tadpole: MOMMEEEEEEE!
Froglet: Mom! Tadpole wants to pee!
la rainette *runs into screen tent and puts potty on the picnic table - only dry place left*
Tadpole *pees*
la rainette *zips up raincoat and gets ready to run over and empty pee in toilet*
Husband: what are you doing? *grabs potty and empties it right outside the tent, where it it instantly washed out by the rain*
la rainette: Oh. Well.
la rainette and Husband *undo the tent*
Variously shaped and colored spiders run away in disarray.
la rainette *spooked out*: EEEK! Spiders!
Husband: Oh, For God's sake. Come on, let's roll the tent, they'll get squished.
la rainette, under her breath: ew. ew. ew. ew. ew.
Husband *rolling tent*: Oh, look! Spider Spring Roll!
la rainette: EW!
Froglet *intensely gleeful tone she reserves for major catastrophes that happen to someone else*: MOM! Tadpole fell in a mud puddle!
la rainette *swears in PG15 language, rummages in car to find paper towels, can't find them*: use the toilet paper to wipe the mud off her!
Froglet: OK.
la rainette *looks at mud spattered hands*
*sighs wearily*
*wipes hands on marginally cleaner car door, in the running rain*
la rainette, sotto voce: ew.
Froglet *gloomy voice indicating a major catastrophe happened to her* mom. I just fell in the puddle too
la rainette *PG15 curses*: clean yourself with the toilet paper.
Froglet *very small voice* can't. I was holding it when I fell
la rainette *goes nuclear. NC17ish language follows.*
Husband and la rainette *finish folding the tent and packing the car, under torrential rain*
Froglet *yells* MOM! I'm bored! There's nothing to do!
Husband and la rainette, wet all over and sweaty and aching *exchange disbelieving look*
A few interesting and creative curses are uttered again, cut for decency.
la rainette *takes a look at mud spattered hands, and pants, sighs, then rinces hand in big puddle and wipes them on formerly eggshell coloured pants*
All embark in the car.
SCENE 3: In The Car
Froglet: Mum, I'm hungry.
Tadpole: Me too! Me too!
la rainette: Well, we all are. Let's go to a restaurant.
Husband: They won't let us in.
la rainette *wearily takes in the situation: muddy hands, grimy faces, wet clothes, all of the same, brownish colour. Clearly, the rain won that battle. Also, we smell.*
la rainette: OK, let's find a take-out, then. Or better yet: make it a drive-through.
SCENE 4: In the Car, after dinner.
la rainette: OK, let's put a diaper on Tadpole for the night then.
*goes over to Tadpole*
*suddenly realizes Tadpole has no panties*
la rainette: Tadpole? Where are your panties?
Tadpole, cheerfully: Dunno.
Flashback to the screen tent, and Tadpole on the potty. Then standing up but taking off the panties altogether. Brief focus on discarded panties floating in big puddle.
la rainette: Oh *beep* de *beep* *beep* *beep*
The memorable thing is, I might have out-ew-ed Tadpole that day.
Husband says I've now seen the worst of camping, and asked me whether I was ready to go again. Truth is, I am. The good bits will follow shortly. There were quite a few, thankfully.
And if you ever chance upon a lone pair of pink panties, with Dora the Explorer on them, in an Ontarian park: they're Tadpole's, and she'd love to have them back. Thank you.
PS: Patty: I got the CDs when I arrived in Toronto, thank you so much for brightening an otherwise very rainy day! *hugs* And I am glad the chocolate brightened your move ;)
What is the Worst of Camping, you ask?
Packing in the rain.
You've got to be Gene Kelly to sing and dance in the rain. You've got to have someone with a warm, dry towel waiting on the side.
And you've got to be la rainette to be left wearing your last pair of passable pants on the last day of camping, which just happened to be eggshell off-white linen pants *winces*. How nuts is that?
CAST:
Main Character: the Rain. Wet, nasty, evil.
Secondary characters:
la rainette, in eggshell pants and yellow plastic raincoat.
Husband, in jeans and likewise yellow raincoat.
Froglet, 5, in a pretty dress.
Tadpole, 3, in an equally pretty dress.
SCENE 1: in the tent. La rainette, busy packing. The girls, standing by. Soundtrack: Husband in the distance, rummaging around and organizing stuff in the car; but mostly, Raindrops falling on our heads.
La rainette *empties Froglet's pocket before packing pants*: EW! What's that? Froglet, what did you have in your pocket?
Froglet: my collection of shiny stones.
la rainette *checks hand* Nope, there was something else.
Froglet: Oh, yeah, my snail, too.
la rainette *wipes crushed snail bits off fingers*: ew.
SCENE 2: outside. To the sound of torrential rain, Husband and la rainette are trying to fold the tent.
Husband, dangerously perched on a wobbly picnic table, unties the tarp.
Husband: READY?
la rainette *from the ground, holding on to another end of the tarp*: yep!
Husband: GO! *shakes tarp*
Water on tarp: oooo! Look! Face!
la rainette *gasps as gets hit in the face by a bucketful of water*
Husband: WOOPS! SORRY!
la rainette *mutters a few PG13 words*
la rainette *looks at mud splattered fingers*
*runs inside screen tent and washes them under clear water*
Sitting smack in the middle of the screen tent, on the picnic table, in the last available dry spot, we can distinguish the silhouettes of Tadpole and Froglet, huddled together and chanting softly: "Rain, Rain, go away! Come again some other day! Rain, Rain, go away, come again some other day!"
Needless to say, the rain pays them no heed.
Husband *holds down one end of tarp*: OK, GO!
la rainette: ok. *lifts her end of tarp*
Water on tarp: oooo, look, feet!
Husband: AAAAAARRRRGH! *looks at sodden feet and utters a few PG15 curses*
la rainette, cheerfully, for vengence is sweet: woops, sorry!
Tadpole: MOMMEEEEEEE!
Froglet: Mom! Tadpole wants to pee!
la rainette *runs into screen tent and puts potty on the picnic table - only dry place left*
Tadpole *pees*
la rainette *zips up raincoat and gets ready to run over and empty pee in toilet*
Husband: what are you doing? *grabs potty and empties it right outside the tent, where it it instantly washed out by the rain*
la rainette: Oh. Well.
la rainette and Husband *undo the tent*
Variously shaped and colored spiders run away in disarray.
la rainette *spooked out*: EEEK! Spiders!
Husband: Oh, For God's sake. Come on, let's roll the tent, they'll get squished.
la rainette, under her breath: ew. ew. ew. ew. ew.
Husband *rolling tent*: Oh, look! Spider Spring Roll!
la rainette: EW!
Froglet *intensely gleeful tone she reserves for major catastrophes that happen to someone else*: MOM! Tadpole fell in a mud puddle!
la rainette *swears in PG15 language, rummages in car to find paper towels, can't find them*: use the toilet paper to wipe the mud off her!
Froglet: OK.
la rainette *looks at mud spattered hands*
*sighs wearily*
*wipes hands on marginally cleaner car door, in the running rain*
la rainette, sotto voce: ew.
Froglet *gloomy voice indicating a major catastrophe happened to her* mom. I just fell in the puddle too
la rainette *PG15 curses*: clean yourself with the toilet paper.
Froglet *very small voice* can't. I was holding it when I fell
la rainette *goes nuclear. NC17ish language follows.*
Husband and la rainette *finish folding the tent and packing the car, under torrential rain*
Froglet *yells* MOM! I'm bored! There's nothing to do!
Husband and la rainette, wet all over and sweaty and aching *exchange disbelieving look*
A few interesting and creative curses are uttered again, cut for decency.
la rainette *takes a look at mud spattered hands, and pants, sighs, then rinces hand in big puddle and wipes them on formerly eggshell coloured pants*
All embark in the car.
SCENE 3: In The Car
Froglet: Mum, I'm hungry.
Tadpole: Me too! Me too!
la rainette: Well, we all are. Let's go to a restaurant.
Husband: They won't let us in.
la rainette *wearily takes in the situation: muddy hands, grimy faces, wet clothes, all of the same, brownish colour. Clearly, the rain won that battle. Also, we smell.*
la rainette: OK, let's find a take-out, then. Or better yet: make it a drive-through.
SCENE 4: In the Car, after dinner.
la rainette: OK, let's put a diaper on Tadpole for the night then.
*goes over to Tadpole*
*suddenly realizes Tadpole has no panties*
la rainette: Tadpole? Where are your panties?
Tadpole, cheerfully: Dunno.
Flashback to the screen tent, and Tadpole on the potty. Then standing up but taking off the panties altogether. Brief focus on discarded panties floating in big puddle.
la rainette: Oh *beep* de *beep* *beep* *beep*
The memorable thing is, I might have out-ew-ed Tadpole that day.
Husband says I've now seen the worst of camping, and asked me whether I was ready to go again. Truth is, I am. The good bits will follow shortly. There were quite a few, thankfully.
And if you ever chance upon a lone pair of pink panties, with Dora the Explorer on them, in an Ontarian park: they're Tadpole's, and she'd love to have them back. Thank you.
PS: Patty: I got the CDs when I arrived in Toronto, thank you so much for brightening an otherwise very rainy day! *hugs* And I am glad the chocolate brightened your move ;)
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-03 06:36 pm (UTC)For give me for laughing at your camping adventure way too hard. I am not an outdoorsy kind of girl and have only been camping once. It was in South Alabama and a hurricane made landfall during the camping. Lighting was hitting the ground near our tents. I won't go into the fear of tornadoes. When it stopped storming it kept raining. I've never been so wet in my life.
I have absolutely no desire to do it again.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-03 08:37 pm (UTC)The CDs are way cool *g* I had no idea the B52s had done such interesting stuff (after 2 month of "love shack, whohoho love shack!" on the radios at the time, I was so fed up with it I never checked out the rest. It turns out it was a big mistake) B52 and REM are the only artists I knew already, looks like I've been missing out on a lot of good stuff, thank you so much!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:40 am (UTC)80's
Date: 2004-08-04 05:32 am (UTC)However, contrary to the song title, I was never very shiny or happy when Kate sung on R.E.M's way too peppy Shiny Happy People... was that a deliberate Athens colaboration?
Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-04 12:40 pm (UTC)Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-04 04:46 pm (UTC)I'm sure it was. They do all know each other.
my favorite colaboration is Michael Stipe singing with the Indigo Girls on (oh hell now I can't remember the song. I blame being sick)
Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-04 05:49 pm (UTC)Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-04 10:08 pm (UTC)Patty, darling, that would be "Kid Fears" off of their self-entitled album.
:D
Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-05 04:17 pm (UTC)Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-06 03:56 pm (UTC)Did you know i have a huge stack of things that belong to you, including a pair of panties? They have been washed :D
When would you like to make an exchange, cause i know you want your Firefly dvds back ASAP.
Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-06 05:51 pm (UTC)Re: 80's
Date: 2004-08-06 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 03:38 am (UTC)Can't wait to hear the good, it has to be real good to balance this out!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:37 pm (UTC)