![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_rainetteA (Very Silly) Play by la rainette, dedicated to Tai, who invented the genre. ;)
Cast:
la rainette, imported frog
Mamie Heidi, MH: Mom of said frog
Husband: frog's significant other
Froglet and Tadpole: variously-sized offsprings
ACT I
In the car, starting the African Lion Safari. Husband is driving, Mamie Heidi is sitting in the passenger seat. la rainette is behind them.
Scene 1:
la rainette: *spots first sign, stating quite soberly that "TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN" and has brief moment of doubt*
Scene 2:
la rainette: *spots sign with dangerous looking lions and sound advice: keep windows closed*
Husband *presses button that opens passenger window*
MH *jumps like an alarmed Impala*: What are you doing?
Husband *evil smile*: I am getting rid of my mother-in-law!
MH *squeals*: rainette! Do something!
Husband *evil cackle* the back doors are automatic, too. AND I AM IN CONTROL! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
MH and la rainette *ponder the consequences of being in a car driven by a rabid maniac in the middle of a lion reserve and prudently decide to shut up*
Scene 3:
The car drives by the lions. Most are sleeping soundly. Some are looking at us, and occasionally baring their teeth in jaw-breaking yawns. I guess counting the cars isn't that fun a pasttime, after all.
la rainette: Lions are the laziest animals.
Husband: I've been told they sleep about 20 hours a day.
la rainette: ...
Husband: What?
la rainette: Well, it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of Lionheart, doesn't it?
MH *snickers*: My daughter is mad.
Husband: No, she's right. I mean, why should lions be brave? Why? They have no predator. Antelopes are brave, they face predators everyday. So it should really be: Richard Antelopeheart.
MH and la rainette *look at Husband in growing horror and shut up, lest he confuses them with an antelope*
ACT II, scene 1: Monkey Business.
Monkey *jumps on hood*
Husband *brakes reflexively*
Monkey *slides off hood*
Husband *sputters in horror* OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE MONKEY? WHERE? DID I KILL THE MONKEY? DID I? DID I?
Monkey *jumps onto side mirror and shakes balled fist at Husband*
Husband: sorry. sorry. sorry.
Froglet and Tadpole *giggle with unmitigated glee*
Monkey *shrieks in fury, then jumps off and is gone*
Scene 2:
Froglet: oooo, look, monkey tail on the window!
Husband *gloomily*: Oh. You know, there must be a monkey attached to that tail. That means monkeys on the roof of the car then.
MH: better than spider on your ceiling...
la rainette *huffs*
(note to non-French speakers: avoir une araignée au plafond isnt' just a good way to make arachnophobic me cower in a corner, it also means "to have a bee in your bonnet")
Act III
MH: well, dear son-in-law, your career as an insane criminal was short-lived indeed.
la rainette: shut up. shut up
MH: Why? We're out of the lions' pen, now. Look, herbivores!
la rainette: yes. but that only means you won't get eaten. actually, you'll probably suffer much longer.
MH *considers herd of rhinos, and variety of animals sporting variously-shaped but equally vicious-looking and pointy horns or antlers, and shuts up*
Car: leaves Safari zone, to everyone's relief
Epilogue: (Dedicated to Patty, as a proof that however old you are, your parents still treat you like a snotty-faced 4-year-old. See? You are not alone.)
A herd of elephants pass by, holding tails.
la rainette *jokingly grabs end of mamie Heidi's T-shirt as if it were an elephant's tail*
Husband *is just as silly and grabs la rainette's T-shirt*: Hey, girls, look, we're playing elephants.
Froglet *grabs Husband's T-shirt and giggles*
Tadpole* grabs Froglet's T-shirt and giggles*
la rainette *accidentally steps on MH's heel, and MH's shoe comes off*
MH *stops to check shoe*
la rainette *to husband*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Husband *to Froglet*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Froglet: The Ma-what?
Tadpole: Matia! Matia!
MH *sternly* Daughter. Call me matriarch again, and I shall spank you until my hand stays tattoed on your butt for a week. Is that clear?
la rainette: yes, mom
Husband: :D
Eh. Family outings. So much silliness.
Cast:
la rainette, imported frog
Mamie Heidi, MH: Mom of said frog
Husband: frog's significant other
Froglet and Tadpole: variously-sized offsprings
ACT I
In the car, starting the African Lion Safari. Husband is driving, Mamie Heidi is sitting in the passenger seat. la rainette is behind them.
Scene 1:
la rainette: *spots first sign, stating quite soberly that "TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN" and has brief moment of doubt*
Scene 2:
la rainette: *spots sign with dangerous looking lions and sound advice: keep windows closed*
Husband *presses button that opens passenger window*
MH *jumps like an alarmed Impala*: What are you doing?
Husband *evil smile*: I am getting rid of my mother-in-law!
MH *squeals*: rainette! Do something!
Husband *evil cackle* the back doors are automatic, too. AND I AM IN CONTROL! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
MH and la rainette *ponder the consequences of being in a car driven by a rabid maniac in the middle of a lion reserve and prudently decide to shut up*
Scene 3:
The car drives by the lions. Most are sleeping soundly. Some are looking at us, and occasionally baring their teeth in jaw-breaking yawns. I guess counting the cars isn't that fun a pasttime, after all.
la rainette: Lions are the laziest animals.
Husband: I've been told they sleep about 20 hours a day.
la rainette: ...
Husband: What?
la rainette: Well, it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of Lionheart, doesn't it?
MH *snickers*: My daughter is mad.
Husband: No, she's right. I mean, why should lions be brave? Why? They have no predator. Antelopes are brave, they face predators everyday. So it should really be: Richard Antelopeheart.
MH and la rainette *look at Husband in growing horror and shut up, lest he confuses them with an antelope*
ACT II, scene 1: Monkey Business.
Monkey *jumps on hood*
Husband *brakes reflexively*
Monkey *slides off hood*
Husband *sputters in horror* OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE MONKEY? WHERE? DID I KILL THE MONKEY? DID I? DID I?
Monkey *jumps onto side mirror and shakes balled fist at Husband*
Husband: sorry. sorry. sorry.
Froglet and Tadpole *giggle with unmitigated glee*
Monkey *shrieks in fury, then jumps off and is gone*
Scene 2:
Froglet: oooo, look, monkey tail on the window!
Husband *gloomily*: Oh. You know, there must be a monkey attached to that tail. That means monkeys on the roof of the car then.
MH: better than spider on your ceiling...
la rainette *huffs*
(note to non-French speakers: avoir une araignée au plafond isnt' just a good way to make arachnophobic me cower in a corner, it also means "to have a bee in your bonnet")
Act III
MH: well, dear son-in-law, your career as an insane criminal was short-lived indeed.
la rainette: shut up. shut up
MH: Why? We're out of the lions' pen, now. Look, herbivores!
la rainette: yes. but that only means you won't get eaten. actually, you'll probably suffer much longer.
MH *considers herd of rhinos, and variety of animals sporting variously-shaped but equally vicious-looking and pointy horns or antlers, and shuts up*
Car: leaves Safari zone, to everyone's relief
Epilogue: (Dedicated to Patty, as a proof that however old you are, your parents still treat you like a snotty-faced 4-year-old. See? You are not alone.)
A herd of elephants pass by, holding tails.
la rainette *jokingly grabs end of mamie Heidi's T-shirt as if it were an elephant's tail*
Husband *is just as silly and grabs la rainette's T-shirt*: Hey, girls, look, we're playing elephants.
Froglet *grabs Husband's T-shirt and giggles*
Tadpole* grabs Froglet's T-shirt and giggles*
la rainette *accidentally steps on MH's heel, and MH's shoe comes off*
MH *stops to check shoe*
la rainette *to husband*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Husband *to Froglet*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Froglet: The Ma-what?
Tadpole: Matia! Matia!
MH *sternly* Daughter. Call me matriarch again, and I shall spank you until my hand stays tattoed on your butt for a week. Is that clear?
la rainette: yes, mom
Husband: :D
Eh. Family outings. So much silliness.
