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la_rainetteA (Very Silly) Play by la rainette, dedicated to Tai, who invented the genre. ;)
Cast:
la rainette, imported frog
Mamie Heidi, MH: Mom of said frog
Husband: frog's significant other
Froglet and Tadpole: variously-sized offsprings
ACT I
In the car, starting the African Lion Safari. Husband is driving, Mamie Heidi is sitting in the passenger seat. la rainette is behind them.
Scene 1:
la rainette: *spots first sign, stating quite soberly that "TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN" and has brief moment of doubt*
Scene 2:
la rainette: *spots sign with dangerous looking lions and sound advice: keep windows closed*
Husband *presses button that opens passenger window*
MH *jumps like an alarmed Impala*: What are you doing?
Husband *evil smile*: I am getting rid of my mother-in-law!
MH *squeals*: rainette! Do something!
Husband *evil cackle* the back doors are automatic, too. AND I AM IN CONTROL! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
MH and la rainette *ponder the consequences of being in a car driven by a rabid maniac in the middle of a lion reserve and prudently decide to shut up*
Scene 3:
The car drives by the lions. Most are sleeping soundly. Some are looking at us, and occasionally baring their teeth in jaw-breaking yawns. I guess counting the cars isn't that fun a pasttime, after all.
la rainette: Lions are the laziest animals.
Husband: I've been told they sleep about 20 hours a day.
la rainette: ...
Husband: What?
la rainette: Well, it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of Lionheart, doesn't it?
MH *snickers*: My daughter is mad.
Husband: No, she's right. I mean, why should lions be brave? Why? They have no predator. Antelopes are brave, they face predators everyday. So it should really be: Richard Antelopeheart.
MH and la rainette *look at Husband in growing horror and shut up, lest he confuses them with an antelope*
ACT II, scene 1: Monkey Business.
Monkey *jumps on hood*
Husband *brakes reflexively*
Monkey *slides off hood*
Husband *sputters in horror* OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE MONKEY? WHERE? DID I KILL THE MONKEY? DID I? DID I?
Monkey *jumps onto side mirror and shakes balled fist at Husband*
Husband: sorry. sorry. sorry.
Froglet and Tadpole *giggle with unmitigated glee*
Monkey *shrieks in fury, then jumps off and is gone*
Scene 2:
Froglet: oooo, look, monkey tail on the window!
Husband *gloomily*: Oh. You know, there must be a monkey attached to that tail. That means monkeys on the roof of the car then.
MH: better than spider on your ceiling...
la rainette *huffs*
(note to non-French speakers: avoir une araignée au plafond isnt' just a good way to make arachnophobic me cower in a corner, it also means "to have a bee in your bonnet")
Act III
MH: well, dear son-in-law, your career as an insane criminal was short-lived indeed.
la rainette: shut up. shut up
MH: Why? We're out of the lions' pen, now. Look, herbivores!
la rainette: yes. but that only means you won't get eaten. actually, you'll probably suffer much longer.
MH *considers herd of rhinos, and variety of animals sporting variously-shaped but equally vicious-looking and pointy horns or antlers, and shuts up*
Car: leaves Safari zone, to everyone's relief
Epilogue: (Dedicated to Patty, as a proof that however old you are, your parents still treat you like a snotty-faced 4-year-old. See? You are not alone.)
A herd of elephants pass by, holding tails.
la rainette *jokingly grabs end of mamie Heidi's T-shirt as if it were an elephant's tail*
Husband *is just as silly and grabs la rainette's T-shirt*: Hey, girls, look, we're playing elephants.
Froglet *grabs Husband's T-shirt and giggles*
Tadpole* grabs Froglet's T-shirt and giggles*
la rainette *accidentally steps on MH's heel, and MH's shoe comes off*
MH *stops to check shoe*
la rainette *to husband*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Husband *to Froglet*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Froglet: The Ma-what?
Tadpole: Matia! Matia!
MH *sternly* Daughter. Call me matriarch again, and I shall spank you until my hand stays tattoed on your butt for a week. Is that clear?
la rainette: yes, mom
Husband: :D
Eh. Family outings. So much silliness.
Cast:
la rainette, imported frog
Mamie Heidi, MH: Mom of said frog
Husband: frog's significant other
Froglet and Tadpole: variously-sized offsprings
ACT I
In the car, starting the African Lion Safari. Husband is driving, Mamie Heidi is sitting in the passenger seat. la rainette is behind them.
Scene 1:
la rainette: *spots first sign, stating quite soberly that "TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN" and has brief moment of doubt*
Scene 2:
la rainette: *spots sign with dangerous looking lions and sound advice: keep windows closed*
Husband *presses button that opens passenger window*
MH *jumps like an alarmed Impala*: What are you doing?
Husband *evil smile*: I am getting rid of my mother-in-law!
MH *squeals*: rainette! Do something!
Husband *evil cackle* the back doors are automatic, too. AND I AM IN CONTROL! MUHAHAHAHAHA.
MH and la rainette *ponder the consequences of being in a car driven by a rabid maniac in the middle of a lion reserve and prudently decide to shut up*
Scene 3:
The car drives by the lions. Most are sleeping soundly. Some are looking at us, and occasionally baring their teeth in jaw-breaking yawns. I guess counting the cars isn't that fun a pasttime, after all.
la rainette: Lions are the laziest animals.
Husband: I've been told they sleep about 20 hours a day.
la rainette: ...
Husband: What?
la rainette: Well, it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of Lionheart, doesn't it?
MH *snickers*: My daughter is mad.
Husband: No, she's right. I mean, why should lions be brave? Why? They have no predator. Antelopes are brave, they face predators everyday. So it should really be: Richard Antelopeheart.
MH and la rainette *look at Husband in growing horror and shut up, lest he confuses them with an antelope*
ACT II, scene 1: Monkey Business.
Monkey *jumps on hood*
Husband *brakes reflexively*
Monkey *slides off hood*
Husband *sputters in horror* OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE MONKEY? WHERE? DID I KILL THE MONKEY? DID I? DID I?
Monkey *jumps onto side mirror and shakes balled fist at Husband*
Husband: sorry. sorry. sorry.
Froglet and Tadpole *giggle with unmitigated glee*
Monkey *shrieks in fury, then jumps off and is gone*
Scene 2:
Froglet: oooo, look, monkey tail on the window!
Husband *gloomily*: Oh. You know, there must be a monkey attached to that tail. That means monkeys on the roof of the car then.
MH: better than spider on your ceiling...
la rainette *huffs*
(note to non-French speakers: avoir une araignée au plafond isnt' just a good way to make arachnophobic me cower in a corner, it also means "to have a bee in your bonnet")
Act III
MH: well, dear son-in-law, your career as an insane criminal was short-lived indeed.
la rainette: shut up. shut up
MH: Why? We're out of the lions' pen, now. Look, herbivores!
la rainette: yes. but that only means you won't get eaten. actually, you'll probably suffer much longer.
MH *considers herd of rhinos, and variety of animals sporting variously-shaped but equally vicious-looking and pointy horns or antlers, and shuts up*
Car: leaves Safari zone, to everyone's relief
Epilogue: (Dedicated to Patty, as a proof that however old you are, your parents still treat you like a snotty-faced 4-year-old. See? You are not alone.)
A herd of elephants pass by, holding tails.
la rainette *jokingly grabs end of mamie Heidi's T-shirt as if it were an elephant's tail*
Husband *is just as silly and grabs la rainette's T-shirt*: Hey, girls, look, we're playing elephants.
Froglet *grabs Husband's T-shirt and giggles*
Tadpole* grabs Froglet's T-shirt and giggles*
la rainette *accidentally steps on MH's heel, and MH's shoe comes off*
MH *stops to check shoe*
la rainette *to husband*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Husband *to Froglet*: The Matriarch has stopped!
Froglet: The Ma-what?
Tadpole: Matia! Matia!
MH *sternly* Daughter. Call me matriarch again, and I shall spank you until my hand stays tattoed on your butt for a week. Is that clear?
la rainette: yes, mom
Husband: :D
Eh. Family outings. So much silliness.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 07:23 pm (UTC)...
"MH *sternly* Daughter. Call me matriarch again, and I shall spank you until my hand stays tattoed on your butt for a week. Is that clear?
la rainette: yes, mom"
Heh. Ownz3d.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 11:36 pm (UTC)That's what I get for lapsing into L33t.
Definition:
Ownz3d- (Pronounced like "owned," but with a z.) Totally defeated.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 11:41 pm (UTC)Well, yes. Totally.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-24 03:35 am (UTC)Patty came over yesterday and spent the night last night, so we had a late night gossip/giggling session and you were brought up - how much we like you, how glad we are that you friended us, how adorable your children are, blah blah blah.
We are currently planning our trip to Canada, so if two tired looking confused American girls show up on your doorstep one day, that'll be us :D
no subject
Date: 2004-08-24 12:56 pm (UTC)