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la_rainetteI've been privately calling it my big fat gay post, cos the more I think about it, the more things I have to say, which is why I've been putting off writing it. I think I now need to make time to write it, because it's become more important.
It's still going to be bloody long, though, so feel free to not look behind the cut.
OK, so I'm done and it's even longer than I thought. So I've cut it in parts, so that you can read only what you want to read...
First, let me tell you about who I am and where I come from.
You may not know this, but Bertrand Delanoe (with an umlaut on the e that I can't be bothered to find right now), the mayor of Paris, is gay, and very open about it. In fact, his election in 2001 made the headlines in various European countries, because it made Paris the first European capital to have a gay mayor *waves French flag proudly*. His election also made the headlines in France, but for very different reasons: Paris hadn't had a left-wing mayor for a very long time. He's doing a great job, I am happy to say, and he is very popular in Paris. It says a lot about my country, I believe.
It says even more about myself that I happily executed a little dance of joy when Husband told be that Delanoe was gay, and when Husband asked in surprise, "didn't you know that? I'm sure we've talked about it when he was elected", I realized all of a sudden that yes, I knew. But I'd forgotten, because it truly doesn't make a difference to me, one way or the other.
Along the same lines, I was very happy and yet sightly bemused when I found out that France had passed a law making homophobic behavious a felony. Because, Oh, good idea. But, hum, wasn't it already the case?
Now, don't go thinking France has it all figured out, cos truth is, it hasn't. We don't have same-sex marriages yet (well, we've had two, but I'm not sure they've been legally recognized). We have the PaCS instead.
France being very much a laic country, a marriage has to be celebrated first at the town hall (the religious ceremony is illegal if you aren't married at the town hall first: you are requested to provide a certificate stating that you are already legally married). Being married gives you varied fiscal and legal advantages in France, nothing new here. The PaCS (Pacte Civil de Solidarité) can be contracted at your Town Hall, and will give you the exact same fiscal and legal advantages than an ordinary marriage, without being one, with one caveat: you will have to be in a PaCS for 3 years before you can benefit from these advantages (so don't go dying young, your partner will be left with nothing). On the other hand, and very much unlike a marriage, the PaCS can be ended easily.
The PaCS was voted quite easily, but many people opposed it, still. One very catholic French MP made a long, teary speech in which she predicted the end of the family as we know it. She broke down in sobs when she realized no-one took her really seriously. I don't even remember her name, to be honest.
I haven't forgotten Roselyne Bachelot, though. Magnificent Roselyne, who managed to make everyone happy by saying that despite belonging to the traditional right-wing party inspired by Charles de Gaule, she would vote according to her conscience; she thanked her party profusely for letting her vote how she saw fit (thus making them happy), and then voted in favor of the PaCS (thus making everyone else happy).
And Papy, bless him, Papy, who is sensistive to beauty and intelligence, and very much in the favour of the PaCS, was hopelessly smitten. He still thinks much of her, and regularly reminds us of her grand gesture when she voted for the PaCS.
I remember at the time not being entirely satisfied, though. I remember saying, But what about love? The PaCS was a step in the right direction, there is no denying that, but when Husband and I got married, we hadn't even known each other three full years. So I fully understood that a man and a woman entering a PaCS together would have to wait 3 years to benefit from all advantages of married couples, cos hey, their choice -- but why make it the same for same-sex couples, who had no alternative?
Also, Husband and I didn't get married because of the many legal advantages we might get. We got married because we were in love. How about wanting to get married because you are in love? The PaCS doesn't even care about love.
So, when Noel Mamère celebrated the first same-sex marriage in France last July, I can't say I was surprised. I simply rubbed my hands together, and thought, That's more like it. Go, guys.
Come on, people. Think for a minute. It's just love, it's not going to bite you.
I believe that anyone who is ready to commit his or her life to someone else's; anyone who loves someone enough to say, I will stay with you until death do us part, and believes it fully; anyone who will go through the hassle of organizing a wedding (been there, done that, NOT EASY) because he/she wants to say "I love my partner and promise to love him/her forever" in front of God and the whole world, not because of the social pressure, but even AGAINST it, deserves our utmost respect and support.
And while I'm here, I might as well add that I believe same-sex couples should be allowed to adopt. Because the very first thing children need is love, be loved, be accepted just as they are. And anyone who is willing to hop through all the hoops, do all the humiliating things he/she will have to do in order to be allowed to adopt, must be full of love and trust and persistance. Why deny a lost, lonely child a chance for happiness, I wonder?
This I believe not just with my brain, but with all my heart, with all my guts, with all my being. I am easily influenced by people I love, on many subjects, I know that much about myself, but this doesn't fit in the same category. This is just there, at the core of my being. This is what I am about.
Why should other people's private happiness seem so unacceptable just because it doesn't follow the rules set by the majority?
Just yesterday, I suddenly had this vision of a same-sex couple arriving at Walnut Grove, you know, the Little House in the Prairie village. And I could picture Mrs. Whatshername, Nellie's insufferable mother, slamming down the door on their faces.
And I could see Charles and Caroline, surprised, bewildered even. And then accepting, and inviting them to their home for dinner.
Because this is all about love.
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copperbadge made an interesting analogy between Gay Rights issues and the Civil Rights movement, and I've been thinking about it since. It seems to me that until now, there was something missing for the Gay Rights movement to be completely efficient. It seems to me that what helped the Civil Rights movement was that there was something to fight against. Something real, I mean. Because people like me, people for whom equality of rights just goes without saying, may not see the oppression as long as it is not stated black on white.
The Civil Rights movement had the Segregation laws to fight against, and a leader to go with. Until now, the Gay Rights movement had things to fight for, but nothing concrete to fight against.
Until now.
Same-sex marriages have been banned in 11 states. Come on, people, what are we waiting for? I'm on the wrong side of the border, but my walking shoes are ready, and I have a history of marching against US politics (it goes back to when I was seven and could quite say Nixon's name properly, but still got to demonstrate against the Vietnam War). The border isn't that far away that I couldn't drive there, and I am ready to do so.
Because I am a mom, and if I want to be very down to earth about it, there is statistically a one to five chance that one of my girls turns out to be bisexual or gay; and I don't want the world to judge her or discriminate against her because of that. My children should be accountable for what they do, like everyone else. But not for who they are. And I want them, as much as possible, to be happy, and loved, and accepted, just the way they are.
So, I am ready to write. I am ready to call. I am ready to exercise rights that I am not supposed to have, as I do not live in your country. But I'm in. I want to be in. This is a fight I want to be part of, because it makes me proud.
It's a long way, but we can make it, if we fight together.
In love I trust.
Let's make it an interesting four years.
And I would like to dedicate this post to little Jared, who is in Senior Kindergarden at Froglet's school; to his two dads, quiet and ordinary men who have fought an extraordinary battle for their private happiness; and to Froglet's very Catholic little school, which after much debating, has accepted Jared and his brother and treats them like everyone else. Y'all rock.
Let's make the world a better place.
It's still going to be bloody long, though, so feel free to not look behind the cut.
OK, so I'm done and it's even longer than I thought. So I've cut it in parts, so that you can read only what you want to read...
First, let me tell you about who I am and where I come from.
You may not know this, but Bertrand Delanoe (with an umlaut on the e that I can't be bothered to find right now), the mayor of Paris, is gay, and very open about it. In fact, his election in 2001 made the headlines in various European countries, because it made Paris the first European capital to have a gay mayor *waves French flag proudly*. His election also made the headlines in France, but for very different reasons: Paris hadn't had a left-wing mayor for a very long time. He's doing a great job, I am happy to say, and he is very popular in Paris. It says a lot about my country, I believe.
It says even more about myself that I happily executed a little dance of joy when Husband told be that Delanoe was gay, and when Husband asked in surprise, "didn't you know that? I'm sure we've talked about it when he was elected", I realized all of a sudden that yes, I knew. But I'd forgotten, because it truly doesn't make a difference to me, one way or the other.
Along the same lines, I was very happy and yet sightly bemused when I found out that France had passed a law making homophobic behavious a felony. Because, Oh, good idea. But, hum, wasn't it already the case?
Now, don't go thinking France has it all figured out, cos truth is, it hasn't. We don't have same-sex marriages yet (well, we've had two, but I'm not sure they've been legally recognized). We have the PaCS instead.
France being very much a laic country, a marriage has to be celebrated first at the town hall (the religious ceremony is illegal if you aren't married at the town hall first: you are requested to provide a certificate stating that you are already legally married). Being married gives you varied fiscal and legal advantages in France, nothing new here. The PaCS (Pacte Civil de Solidarité) can be contracted at your Town Hall, and will give you the exact same fiscal and legal advantages than an ordinary marriage, without being one, with one caveat: you will have to be in a PaCS for 3 years before you can benefit from these advantages (so don't go dying young, your partner will be left with nothing). On the other hand, and very much unlike a marriage, the PaCS can be ended easily.
The PaCS was voted quite easily, but many people opposed it, still. One very catholic French MP made a long, teary speech in which she predicted the end of the family as we know it. She broke down in sobs when she realized no-one took her really seriously. I don't even remember her name, to be honest.
I haven't forgotten Roselyne Bachelot, though. Magnificent Roselyne, who managed to make everyone happy by saying that despite belonging to the traditional right-wing party inspired by Charles de Gaule, she would vote according to her conscience; she thanked her party profusely for letting her vote how she saw fit (thus making them happy), and then voted in favor of the PaCS (thus making everyone else happy).
And Papy, bless him, Papy, who is sensistive to beauty and intelligence, and very much in the favour of the PaCS, was hopelessly smitten. He still thinks much of her, and regularly reminds us of her grand gesture when she voted for the PaCS.
I remember at the time not being entirely satisfied, though. I remember saying, But what about love? The PaCS was a step in the right direction, there is no denying that, but when Husband and I got married, we hadn't even known each other three full years. So I fully understood that a man and a woman entering a PaCS together would have to wait 3 years to benefit from all advantages of married couples, cos hey, their choice -- but why make it the same for same-sex couples, who had no alternative?
Also, Husband and I didn't get married because of the many legal advantages we might get. We got married because we were in love. How about wanting to get married because you are in love? The PaCS doesn't even care about love.
So, when Noel Mamère celebrated the first same-sex marriage in France last July, I can't say I was surprised. I simply rubbed my hands together, and thought, That's more like it. Go, guys.
Come on, people. Think for a minute. It's just love, it's not going to bite you.
I believe that anyone who is ready to commit his or her life to someone else's; anyone who loves someone enough to say, I will stay with you until death do us part, and believes it fully; anyone who will go through the hassle of organizing a wedding (been there, done that, NOT EASY) because he/she wants to say "I love my partner and promise to love him/her forever" in front of God and the whole world, not because of the social pressure, but even AGAINST it, deserves our utmost respect and support.
And while I'm here, I might as well add that I believe same-sex couples should be allowed to adopt. Because the very first thing children need is love, be loved, be accepted just as they are. And anyone who is willing to hop through all the hoops, do all the humiliating things he/she will have to do in order to be allowed to adopt, must be full of love and trust and persistance. Why deny a lost, lonely child a chance for happiness, I wonder?
This I believe not just with my brain, but with all my heart, with all my guts, with all my being. I am easily influenced by people I love, on many subjects, I know that much about myself, but this doesn't fit in the same category. This is just there, at the core of my being. This is what I am about.
Why should other people's private happiness seem so unacceptable just because it doesn't follow the rules set by the majority?
Just yesterday, I suddenly had this vision of a same-sex couple arriving at Walnut Grove, you know, the Little House in the Prairie village. And I could picture Mrs. Whatshername, Nellie's insufferable mother, slamming down the door on their faces.
And I could see Charles and Caroline, surprised, bewildered even. And then accepting, and inviting them to their home for dinner.
Because this is all about love.
copperbadge made an interesting analogy between Gay Rights issues and the Civil Rights movement, and I've been thinking about it since. It seems to me that until now, there was something missing for the Gay Rights movement to be completely efficient. It seems to me that what helped the Civil Rights movement was that there was something to fight against. Something real, I mean. Because people like me, people for whom equality of rights just goes without saying, may not see the oppression as long as it is not stated black on white. The Civil Rights movement had the Segregation laws to fight against, and a leader to go with. Until now, the Gay Rights movement had things to fight for, but nothing concrete to fight against.
Until now.
Same-sex marriages have been banned in 11 states. Come on, people, what are we waiting for? I'm on the wrong side of the border, but my walking shoes are ready, and I have a history of marching against US politics (it goes back to when I was seven and could quite say Nixon's name properly, but still got to demonstrate against the Vietnam War). The border isn't that far away that I couldn't drive there, and I am ready to do so.
Because I am a mom, and if I want to be very down to earth about it, there is statistically a one to five chance that one of my girls turns out to be bisexual or gay; and I don't want the world to judge her or discriminate against her because of that. My children should be accountable for what they do, like everyone else. But not for who they are. And I want them, as much as possible, to be happy, and loved, and accepted, just the way they are.
So, I am ready to write. I am ready to call. I am ready to exercise rights that I am not supposed to have, as I do not live in your country. But I'm in. I want to be in. This is a fight I want to be part of, because it makes me proud.
It's a long way, but we can make it, if we fight together.
In love I trust.
Let's make it an interesting four years.
And I would like to dedicate this post to little Jared, who is in Senior Kindergarden at Froglet's school; to his two dads, quiet and ordinary men who have fought an extraordinary battle for their private happiness; and to Froglet's very Catholic little school, which after much debating, has accepted Jared and his brother and treats them like everyone else. Y'all rock.
Let's make the world a better place.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 05:35 pm (UTC)[hugs]
no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 05:59 pm (UTC)I'm so proud to know you, I want you to know that. Thanks so much for being who you are.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 06:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 07:03 pm (UTC)If a couple wants to have some sort of legal protection without necessarily getting married, contracting a civil union is a good option; but I don't see why this should be the only option of same-sex couples, vs. man/woman couples who can choose whichever option they prefer.
Ultimately, I feel it is about love. And love is -- love. How could anyone truly feel entitled to think one love is better than another? I certainly can't.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 11:19 pm (UTC)Of course, this just gives the US one more (totally ludicrous) reason to hate the French, even more than "freedom fries" ::shudder::
no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:06 pm (UTC)Nope, we aren't too bad, I am proud to say. :D We have pretty good laws already in place, and we aren't done yet...
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Date: 2004-11-05 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-06 02:15 am (UTC)Beautifully said. <33
no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-06 07:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-06 02:22 pm (UTC)I thank you and S, currently draped beside me, thanks you.
We thank you.
{{{hugs}}}
no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:10 pm (UTC)Are you guys OK? (I've seen Selk's haunted post, I'm a little worried)
no subject
Date: 2004-11-06 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:16 pm (UTC)Can't edit a comment, sorry, else I would have corrected it.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 02:20 pm (UTC)*glomp*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-07 09:19 pm (UTC)