letters

[la_rainette]

Dear pet owner,

That dog of yours? Might be the most hideous creature I have set my eyes on. I commend you for loving that poor mishappen ball of not-quite-fur so much. You deserve a medal.

May I however register some surprise as the obviously un-neutered state of your animal? Surely a dog that ugly, be it pure-bred or not, should not be allowed to reproduce?

At any rate, I award you a bonus point for insisting that the dog sit down close to you. Because, see, that is my daughter, in that stroller right behind you, the one you keep ignoring completely. And there is acrowd around us, thus I cannot back up, and while I admit that your dog's private parts might be marginally prettier than his face, I do not, however, think that thrusting them into a small child's face is a very elegant thing to do.

Your disgustedly,
rainette



Dear dog,

Your master asked you to keep your butt glued to the ground. Yes, that is indeed what "Sit" means.

Stand up again and I shall be forced to make you comply with your kind master's request, possibly by parking this here Tadpole-filled stroller right onto your tail.

Don't make me.

rainette



Dearest Tadpole,

May I give you a tip that you will find useful now and in the many years to come? Males of whatever species, my sweetheart, are easily offended and tend to be paranoid about their privates. So I strongly suggest you stop pointing and saying "EWWWWWW! Look, Mummy, yuckyyyyyyyyyyy!".

Love,
Mum.



Dear writer friends,

Despite being generally articulate in English, there are moments where my wits fail me and I am quite unable to express my mind without sounding remarkably rude. Therefore I would like to sollicit your help in the following matter: how do you politely say "Excuse-me, but your dog's balls are in my child's face"? Any suggestions are welcome.

Many Thanks,
rainette


In other news, we are Busy but well, and I miss y'all. *blows kisses*

Comments

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

Polite? I'm not sure there is a polite way to say that. Or rather, I'm not sure there should be. :-D *loves*

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

:D I'm not sure either. I miss you guys! *HUGS*

[terrylj.livejournal.com]

I'm in total agreement with darthrami. I don't think there is a polite way to say that, and you should just come right out with it.

Miss you too!

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*cries* I miss you too!

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

miss manners generally tends to suggest that the polite way to protect one's own interests (which includes one's child) is to pretend to be protecting the person (or that person's belongings, children, pets, etc.) one is trying to protect oneself (or -- you get the idea) from.

of course, if the dog were snarling and menacing Tadpole, you'd be within your rights to say "Control your dog, for god's sake" and back off rapidly, and hang the crowd all around you. that's not what miss manners means at all.

but in a situation like this one, miss manners would probably suggest that you say something like, "i beg your pardon, but i don't have a lot of room to maneuver here, and i'm concerned that my daughter might harm your dog. we're cat people, you see." smile sweetly, and everyone will know that what you mean is 'get that dog's ass away from my kid', but your own behavior will have been impeccable.

same principle, really, as when i'm not sure if two bills have stuck together, so i advise the cashier to count the money i've given her to make sure it's enough, rather than to make sure it's too much. [nod]

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*cracks up* Miss Manners is wonderful. Thank you for the advice. :D

*claps*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_skye_/]

Quite well said. "I'd hate for my curious child to grab anything on your dog..."

Re: *claps*

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*nods* "They're so shapely and pink, I'd be DEVASTATED if my daughter mistook them for Christmas ornaments..."

[maple-clef.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha! Oh dear.

I'm not sure there's an easy way to get across that message in that manner in English! Sarcasm is wonderful, but one has to concede it isn't the 'lowest form of wit' for nothing. I seem to remember that the French are fantastic with the supremely polite trouncing: at uni we had a lesson on writing letters of complaint subtly but unmistakeably inflected with disdain, with a tutor who was completely in awe of that particular skill :D

What you really need is a contemporary Swift - someone with rapier wit and semantic subtlety. Alas, I have neither of these. I'm also a total wimp when it comes to confrontations. I'd probably just stick with "Excuse-me, but your dog's balls are in my child's face". To the point, factual, and bound to embarrass him...

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

It's just, I am not sure I would be able to say it with a straight face... *g*

[seshat1.livejournal.com]

Haha, you should just say that. Much funnier. >:D

Miss you!! *hugs*

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

Miss you too! Miss LJ, wah! *hugs*

[wonapalei.livejournal.com]

"Excuse me, but your dog's balls are in my child's face" sounds perfectly polite to me. What would be rude would be adding "..., and if he waves them in front of her one more time, she'll bite them off." :D

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*laughs* You know, I could see that she was tempted to grab and PULL...

[missffit.livejournal.com]

Um, Rainette, honey? This IS Toronto. Tell her like it is.

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*cracks up* Yes, actually, you're right. And it's not like that ugly dog is the Queen's pooch. (One look at the dog and you know. The queen's dog would be prettier, one hopes)

[levi.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way as Tadpole does... *grin*

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

*g* They were, uh, pink and shapely though. Just not at a very adequate height. ;)

[gypsyjr.livejournal.com]

*cracks up*

Gotta say, I'm thankful that the majority of male dogs I work with are neutered. :P

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, yes!

Tadpole was very intrigued, though. Eh. :D

[la-rainette.livejournal.com]

:D I think these things, but I cannot say them aloud, it seems.