la_rainette | My Moving Moving Story, by La Rainette

You know, moving is a lot like childbirth: If you remembered how much it hurt, you'd never willingly do it again. (just kidding,

mischief_wa. Actually, I would say that childbirth is less painful than moving. Or at least, much quicker.)

Now, thinking that a house looks much bigger once everything is packed and ready to go is a common misconception. The truth is, it looks much smaller, since all the bulky pieces of furniture are still firmly in place, only they're empty and you have to navigate through a sea of boxes filled with their former contents.

First, let me start with a few recommendations:

1.- If you plan to share a celebratory bottle of wine once all the boxes are in the new house, knowing the whereabouts of the wine glasses may be of interest, of course, but I strongly suggest you focus your efforts on keeping track of the corkscrew. Sharing a can of Coke is much less nice, trust me.

2.- Whatever you pack at the very last minute is the stuff you cannot do without. Alas, being packed last, when the movers have already arrived and are moving your boxes at the speed of a galloping horse (and judging by the dust flying about, their horses gallop in the desert), it tends to end up in unmarked boxes.

3.- Being loaded in the truck last, these unmarked boxes will be unloaded first. Being unmarked, they will be dumped somewhere in limbo, and then covered by an ENORMOUS AMOUNT of other boxes. Where they are dumped matters little, since it will inevitably be the very bottom of the last Box Mountain you check.

So, imagine the scene. It's Saturday morning, and the kids are still in their pyjamas when the doorbell rings and in come 4 tall, muscled men in T-shirts (it's snowing outside, but they figure they'll soon warm up).

They come in and start moving. Once they have a box (or two, their energy and strength seem boundless) in their arms, they do not see where they are going, which is when the girls jump excitedly into their way. Two accidents involving heavy boxes and tiny toddlers are narrowly avoided. So I dress them and drive them over to the friends' who have offered to take them for the day.

And then it starts for real...

oooo, look, rainette and family are being silly again!

Husband's cell phone *chirps excitedly*
Husband: Hello?
Cheerful Colleague: Oh, hello! It's Cheerful colleague! It thought you might not check your email today!
Husband: I wasn't planning to.
Cheerful Colleague: So! Good thing I'm calling! Monday is formal dress! Suit! White shirt! Tie! The lot!
Husband: ... o_O
rainette *hisses in Husband's ear*: what's up?
Husband: I have to go to work Monday in a suit, a white shirt and a tie.
rainette: ... o_O
Husband: Yeah, me too.

Mover *passes rainette with a heavy box labelled "Toys"*
rainette *is abysmally unable to make intelligent small talk*: ahahahaha, the girls have so many toys.
Mover: well, if we consider that books are toys, you have lots of toys, too.

Ahahahahahahaha. Yes.

Husband *is working on shelves; picks up tiny screw that just landed on his head* Where the hell did that come from?
Shelf *smugly tips over*
Husband *catches shelf*: AAAAAAARGHnowIknow!

Husband *frowns* How come we only have one channel, and the reception is crappy? The cable guy just left!
rainette *hyperventilates* BUT I HAVE TO GET THE GIRLS and they need to be able to watch TV while we start unpacking! Try another cable plug?
Husband *goes bright red* yeah, no, maybe I shoud try this one first. Wasn't plugged in.

Tadpole *upon arrival* That's not the new house!
rainette: yes, it is.
Tadpole: No, it isn't.
rainette: why not?
Tadpole: Been here already
rainette: :D

And the first night:

Cat: MEOW! MEOWOWOWOWOW! MEEEEEOWOWOWOWOW!
Husband: SHUT UP!
CAT: MEEEEEOWWWWWWWWW!
Husband *jumps out of bed*: right.
Cat *is silent*
Tadpole *climbs into rainette's bed and snuggles against rainette*

The next morning:

rainette: what did you do with the cat?
Husband: locked her in the bathroom downstairs.
rainette: but the door doesn't lock properly.
Husband: It doesn't! But I tied a shoelace around the handle, and then I stuck the shoe between two boxes, and the cat couldn't open the door! Call me McGyver!
rainette: Only with less explosions!
Husband: ...
rainette: ...
Husband: I kinda hoped Tadpole would sleep in her bed though.
rainette: well, she did a good job finding us!
Husband: no she didn't. I saw her as I was coming up the stairs after locking the cat in, and she was looking for us, first in the playroom, then in the bathroom... and then I called out to her and showed her the way.
rainette: ...oh.

And now we live in the New House that isn't quite as new as Tadpole had hoped... And Husband is out of town for 2 weeks, so everyone else insists on sleeping in my bed (Froglet, Tadpole and the cat. I considered emigrating to one of the girls' beds, but I know they'd just follow me wherever I go, so.)

BUT! The coffee-maker is up and running, finally. Hallelujah. Now I can face the world again. *yawns* Well, maybe I should catch up on some sleep, first.